thoughts on the 22nd of november, 2003

the first three hours of this day was depressing. although i had problems on my own, everything had to take a back seat. a friend needed me more. i just came home from an evening of mixed emotions. by around six pm, i had just parted ways with another friend because we had our own respective plans. i promised another friend to meet up with her at the mtv aids summit at the fort for her events management class. i was already on my way, when i received a call from another friend. her usual perky voice sounded exactly the opposite. she asked me to meet her in her place. i couldn't feel like letting her down, so since i was already at mckinley and her house was nearby, i decided to ditch the mtv thing.

an hour later, we were discussing the problem. i felt so helpless. i really hate myself because i can only come up with crappy pieces of advice for my friends whenever they ask me to give them some. also, i promised a friend to watch the showing of his movie in makati, but because the traffic was so bad, wouldn't be able to arrive on time. so, i decided to stay with my friend.

so from around seven til twelve, my friend, her problem, my problem, and i were stuck together. within that 5 hours, there would be instances where she would feel hope, and that everything wasn't too late, but minutes later, she'd be breaking down beside me. and i found myself so useless then. couldn't do anything better than stay with her. but, i was happy to do that for a friend.

there was no resolution that evening, so we decided to go home, and go ponder and reflect on things. by the time i got home, i remembered i had another friend in trouble. hoping it wasn't too late, i decided to give her a ring. she answered. after listening to her woes, i felt like breaking down too. i couldn't help but wonder why everyone had to be in terrible problems during the same time that i am having my own. in the past, it's usually either i'm okay and my friends aren't, or i'm not okay, and my friends are. that was my consolation-- at least people beside me are okay. apparently, this time, this disease is quite contagious. everyone around me had problems, and these aren't superficial at all.

after two-and-a-half hours over the phone, we were both tired. since we felt like we have accomplished something, at least we felt like we got something off our chests. my eyes were swelling and i was drained, so i decided to catch a nap, so i could wake up an hour after to do some paperwork.

i wasn't able to get up on time. woke up at seven, did half of the work, and had to prepare for school. my consolation for that day was that i enjoyed the first session of our advertising management class. my teacher is really good, good looking, smart, and flawless. the class was great--only half of the class showed up. everyone else was in baguio. (another reason to rant this week was that almost everyone in school kept was surprised and kept asking me why i didn't go to baguio for the ad congress. isn't it depressing when you don't have enough funds to go there, and you know you really want to? besides, i of all people would want to go there. i haven't gone to baguio in my whole life and i always feel like a loser for this.) after the class, i had to rush home to finish half of the paperwork i promised my friend. so i went back again to school and saw some of my friends and felt bad because it's been a while since we spent time together. eversince school started, was busy with a lot of things.

i was aboard the car going to greenhills for my practice, when we had to fill the gas tank. my driver and i didn't notice that we couldn't pay through credit card, i didn't have enough money, so i had to wait for my brother there in the gas station for more than 30 minutes. when i got into the venue, i was already two hours late. well, at least i still was able to play three games. then, before i got home, had dinner with a teammate. it was fifteen minutes to seven when i arrived and i was supposed to leave the house so i could get to the stephen bishop concert on time. however, received a message from a friend to call her if i was interested in a business opportunity. i discussed it with her for around thirty minutes. so, i was really rushing. that was a bit fine with me since i drive fast. when i was about to get the car keys, my dad had already started the car, and my mom said he would be driving. i hate it when he drives. he texts and talks over the phone while driving, doesn't abide by the traffic laws. he's one of the drivers that we hate because they feel like they own all the streets in the metro. it was my first time to arrive later than the listed time for a concert. thankfully, the show didn't start on time. after the show, i was able to have my album jacket autographed and even had a picture taken with him and two other girls i met after the concert.

when i got home, my parents were, as usual, fighting. i felt so tired so i slept. the time was around 1230--it was early for me since i usually sleep at three or four.