pinoy action movies

i have yet to see a decent pinoy action movie.

after last semester's film and television class courtesy of dr. capino, i have regained my disgust over filipino action movies. there aren't any new formulas so why bother watching them. here are some realities that make the pinoy action movie a pinoy action movie.

1. there must always be two ladies. one slutty (the one that gets to have fulfill the sex-hungry hero and in the end we discover that she helps in the enemy's plot to kill the hero) and one goody girl who is usually held hostage by the bad guys (and more often, the goody girl is so respected by the hero that she only gets a sweet innocent kiss from him).
2. if the hero rides in an old rusty box-type car, the car's going to be blown up. the studios here are way way stingy compared to hollywood. you can only count with your fingers the number of the new cars that get destroyed.
3. when the car gets blown up, there is always a slow motion scene where the hero holds the hand of the girl as they run away from the explosion.
4. in fpj movies, there is always a singing portion featuring him and the whole neighborhood. this probably is the known secret on why he's the action king. trust me on this.
5. also, in fpj movies, there is always a scene where he does fistfights, and uses one-liner threats to his enemies that make up the film's title.
6. fpj will always be a hero, never a villain.
7. the hero can live on his own. he is a one-man army and a sharpshooter.
8. the hero is always poor.
9. the enemy is always some rich filthy guy who usually is a drug dealer and never runs out of prostitues. he always has a glass of brandy on his palm and a cigar on his other hand. he always wear some expensive necklace and ring.
10. the ultimate goal of the hero will always be to rescue the girl.
11. some of the more popular settings of fight scenes are the warehouse and some forest in a province.
12. the villain and the hero always make the best phone pals.
13. the sidekick has to be a comedian or at least trying to be one.
14. the police force's reputation in action movies are tarnished. either they are accomplices of the villain or they get to the crime scene the latest. (i'm not complaining with this one)
15. pinoy action movies seldom have soundtracks (maybe never).
16. if the chase scene is in a forest, the hero and the girl will also have a slow motion scene of jumping off a waterfall.
17. the goons are the same people in the action movies. most of them are fat bellied dirty looking guys with mustache.
18. the hero never seems to run out of ammunition or guns.
19. the hero knows how to opearte a truck, a car, a boat, a helicopter, and an airplane, despite being a nobody.
20. there always has to be an intense conversation when the hero and the villain meet toward the end of the movie. this is usually the part where the hero shouts to him the title of the film.
21. the sound effect for the guns are the same with almost all the action movies.

pathetic and annoying.

next in line: filipino comedy movies and titles of filipino romance novels and movies.