first death in the family

yesterday, the 12th of december, my paternal grandma died. after almost two months of getting in and out of the hospital, she took her last breath yesterday here, at our house sitting on a rocking chair (yes, just like in the movies), at around 5 in the afternoon. she was 86. the cause of death? i don't really have any idea. at least it wasn't murder nor homicide.

just to give you an idea how dysfunctional our family is... my dad (her son) is still in taiwan (and will only come home tomorrow) since having resided there almost a year ago. my mom, on the other hand, was more worried about other things than actually feeling bad about what happened. we are living under one roof and ironically, it was my brother (who was sent out almost six years ago) who called to inform me about the news. my two other brothers were nonchalant about it, and my eldest brother didn't feel the need to apologize to our grandma after all the screamings and the physical shoving he did to her.

the only relationship i have with her is that we both lived under one roof. technically, we really don't because i live in the main house. i'm not really a very sweet grandchild, but i ain't harsh or anything. to be honest, i don't remember having spoken a word to her for more than a year now. i'm not really fond of chinese grandparents, especially how too traditional, religious, and superstitious they are (unbearable... take my word for it). plus, when i was a kid, i was made to believe that she was my mother's worst enemy. of course, when we were kids, we easily took the sides of the people whom either see/ hang out with more often, or the ones whom we need something from. at this age and time, i can actually say that they both have their faults.

if i remember it right, my granddad and my grandma were products of shotgun marriage. i'm not really familiar with our family's background and come to think of it, it doesn't really interest me as much as, say, lolo hugo's (my surrogate lolo). as far as i know my dad's only sibling died even before i was born. anyway, my granddad and my grandma don't really get along well. i do have to give my granddad the credit of how he actually stucked with her until her death. my brother was telling me last night that my granddad even felt bad because days before she died, they weren't in good terms even. i think he did something that kind of pissed her off. he was crying and he kept telling our helper how much he was willing to sacrifice his life just to prolong his wife's. he kept saying that she shouldn't be dying first because he's older (by ten years old). they didn't have the perfect marriage, but yesterday, when i saw him cry calmly, i just felt that he actually loved her in spite of all these circumstances.

being the only driver left in the house, i drove to funeraria to accompany my granddad, the helper, my brother, and my mother. having stepped inside the paz, i had to practice all the crappy superstitious rituals when coming from a funeral parlor. here are some guidelines on how to deal with chinese funerals and some of the superstitious practices: (forgive me, these are only what i can remember. and as much as i don't want to believe in them, i end up practicing them because of the paranoia of people around me).

(i might have repeated this part of the entry. my apologies)

1. when paying a visit to the dead, don't wear the following colors--red and black. as much as possible, wear only white. (chinese aren't fans of black... fyi, i was only allowed to wear black at the age of 15. if it wasn't for my insistence, i still wouldn't be allowed to wear black).

2. inside the funeral parlor, one must not say no to the candies being offered. you have to take them. why? its sweetness is the contradiction of the depressing mood.

3. when leaving the funeral parlor, you must not say goodbye to the relatives of the one who passed away. the chinese thinks that uttering that word in such an occasion means that you too are leaving this world.

4. once you left the funeral parlor, you must pass by some public place first before you get home. in this way, you are avoiding the malas to get into your house.

5. when you arrive home, you have to take a bath to take the maslas out of your system.