random thoughts on the 16th of february, 2004

i am lost.

i haven't finished my entries since january. my apologies. i just seem to have gotten lost.

it's final. i'm dropping my plans to get a double major. i thought about it. hesitantly, i have to give it up. one, i don't think i can still bear adding to my debts to my family. two, i want to leave the house as soon as i can. three, i really want to work. four, i don't want to do another thesis. and another reason which i choose not to disclose. it's something that hurts. i have been looking forward to this but some things came up and i guess this is it. although, i might go take an entrance exam for law school. way back in grade school and mid high school, i wanted to take up law. my friends even thought i was born to practice it. i have forgotten about that plan since i have been overwhelmed with my subjects when i got into college. however, just last year, when ate gail told me that she was decided to take up law, the thought crossed my mind as well. now, i am planning to take the test, and if i fail, then it's really not meant for me. but if i'd pass, well...

it's hell week for me. i have three major papers due this thursday, and i haven't even started a single thing. by sunday, i'll be having my oral exam with the most troublesome subject i have this sem, theology. by next week, i have to finish a group research paper for theology on celibacy, 15-20 pages long. also, i have to finish a group finals for my PR tools subject, since one of our groupmates is a senior, and he's graduating, we all have to finish it by the 26th. my theology teacher also wants us to go to school on the 25th, a holiday. if i am not mistaken, i have or will be overcutting my philo class, and my philo professor really drops students. i'm failing the quizzes in my film class. i got a low grade for my social psychology exam, despite having studied religuously the night before. in history, i flunked my first exam. i am doomed.

i was probably the noisiest person at the caf this lunch time. i kept complaining about the whole chunk of load that i am getting, and it's even ironic that this is actually my birthday week. i can't get to bear the thought of getting a year older. i don't even have the time to renew my driver's license, and after my birthday, i can't use it anymore. to celebrate my birthday, instead of sleeping the whole day (which i have been doing for the past four years because i believe that this is the best way to celebrate your birthday), i have to stick with my theo books and all the crappy vatican notes for my sunday exam.

lately, i have been suffering from constipation. i guess it's with the beef i have been eating. i have cut down my beef consumption by more than 80 percent for six months now, and just last week, i ate mcdonald's quarter pounder and cheeseburger, two days after and i had to spend hours in the toilet.

last saturday, i got two FREE tickets to the james ingram-patti austin concert, which i intially planned to miss. the venue was terrible. first of all, it was at an open area, opposite the film center, beside PICC. artists like james ingram and patti austin aren't supposed to be performing in an open area. second, the ground was sandy. too bad for people who wore open-toed shoes that night, me included. third, seats were too crowded. four, patti austin forgot the chorus of her song all behind us now. fifth, james ingram dragged the whole show and people didn't enjoy that. they started to leave in the middle of the show. sixth, concert started late, at around 9:30. ticket said that it was supposed to have started by 8. after patti's performance, there was another half-hour break, which got a lot of us irritated.

i just found out today that last friday night, greenbelt received a bomb threat. my friend said that all the restos on the second floor of gb were closed. and as expected, temple bar was still opened. i miss going out. i haven't been to the theatre for more than a month now.

two saturdays ago, i got depressed. for our advertising management class, we had to do a pseudo creative brief for starbucks. we thought we pulled it off. during the presentation, we even impressed our professor. perhaps he wanted to avoid be accused of favortisim, he chose the other group, since for the first project, we won. honestly, i felt that they weren't so good, because the content of their brief isn't unique to starbucks. i am still feeling bad about it.

if there were two things that lifted me up last week, they are: a good score in bowling practice (considering i haven't trained for a month or so), and a possible chance to have my practicum in an ad agency. i'm all excited to work, since i might not be able to go to boracay with my high school group.

i missed our high school fair. the last time we had our fair was when i was in preparatory school. since our school was celebrating its 40th anniversary, they had one. i missed it because of my mother who forced us to have dinner out last night.

i have a new favorite song. regine velasquez's version of come in out of the rain. she's really good i must admit. i have been converted to be a regine fan years ago. her new song with ogie alcasid for the captain barbell soundtrack is good as well.

i caught cito beltran's interview with mylene dizon last week on straight talk. i really admire her. she's really so good and dedicated in her craft. she's funny and witty even. she's not hypocritical, and she has the confidence that i have long wanted to have.

i went back to smoking again. i missed it so much. after almost or even more than a year, too bad i couldn't stop temptation.


God gave me a lot of signs:
1. i saw something four times.
2. i heard overjoyed being played just when i asked Him for a sign.
3. i caught something on television.
4. i read something on the papers.
5. i dreamt twice.

that's why i decided to do something. unfortunately, it turned out bad. oh well...