a day of mixed emotions: random thoughts on the 18th of february, 2004

yesterday morning, because of my ultimate flaw (impatience), i called proctor and gamble to ask if i was able to pass their exam for management training. unfortunately for me, i didn't make it. not that i was expecting to pass it, it was not expecting to feel that awful when i'd get to learn about the news. i was shivering and pale. i had a heavy heart that morning. among the family, i only told my brother about it and he was pushing me to pass it. and even if i didn't seem like pressured to pass it, i was inside. well, i didn't dramatically break down, but i was feeling worthless. i felt that i have failed everything else.

i forgot about it temporarily when i asked my friend to look for my philosophy oral exams grade nine hours after. she broke to me the news that i got an A... which i still couldn't believe up to this time. when i took the test, i felt like i was flunking it and my teacher was bombarding me with questions that aren't even included in the thesis statement that i got. i didn't even prepare for the exam, and thus, i was expecting to fail. the sad thing about it is that during my first orals with the same teacher last first sem, i studied hard, was able to do well, answered all his questions with sufficient support, but i only got a C. but, i'm happy about it nevertheless...

this morning, i slept at around 4. i had to help my friends do our history research papers which is due tomorrow at 1330 (and i haven't even started a thing) until around 2:45. after discussing the paper and while waiting for one of my friend's ride, they were practicing dancing lessons (which is again one of my frustrations in life). i woke up at around 7 just in time for my 830 class.

i miss my friends. damn it. i haven't been this "diligent" since i got into college. i can't even believe that i was able to finish my orange marker after only three months. i haven't spent so much in photocopies (last week i had a total bill of approximately 400 pesos--so it's 60 cents per page. go ahead calculate). i haven't spent so much time at the lib. i barely have time to watch television and movies. it's killing me.

exactly one week ago, my friend and i raced to makati to drop our resumes for the different ad agencies that we hope to get in by summer. since it seems that i'm not really meant to get into consumer products-related occupations, i am praying that i'd be given a chance in the advertising field.

i have been complaining and complaining, and just this moment, i stopped. as much as i have experienced a lot of unpleasant things lately, i am getting myself to be happy. thanks to my friends. the friend that cheered me up the most is ate gail. God knows i wouldn't know how to survive without this sister of mine keeping my spirits up. right now, she's probably the only friend i can trust who'll really make me forget about my problems and wake me up from my miseries. she's always a phone call away and it's quite depressing that she'll graduate next month, leaving me behind. also. there is katre. she may only be a friend that i have known for only just a short period of time but she's always more than willing to listen to my rants and raves. i have my high school friends to thank too, especially for being able to bear my constant nagging and complaints lately. i have some college friends whose mere presence helps me through and through. i feel guilty that i haven't devoted much time to them in the past and i haven't been a very good friend to them. i hope i can still make it up to them.

God works in unique and unpredictable ways--in music, in friends, in my successes, in my failures. i'll be a year older soon and i have only Him to thank that i'm able to make it until today.

current song: tell me by ariel and regine. the best version...