roller coaster start of the week

last week was hell week. come to think of it, actually, last month was hell month... hope i was able to lose some weight... anyway, for last week, my sleeping time was at around three or four in the morning. that translates to me super harrassed and larger eye bags (now i might have to consider sugrical ways to have them removed)... last friday, had to sleep over at the school dorm... which is hella freaky. considering that i wasn't able to sleep the whole time (i got up that day at 7:30 in the morning and didn't sleep til saturday ten pm)... i can't even believe how i managed to still be productive that day... so, my theology research paper partner and i arrived at the dorm past midnight. we worked til around 5:30 in the morning (saturday) and i had to rush home at around quarter to 8 to take a bath and prepare for my 9 am class. arrived at school early... (it's actually the first time i'm super early for that class). after the class, my social psych groupmate and i had to go home and pick some clothes for our shoot. after the shoot, i passed by the bowling alley and practiced for about an hour straight. i got home at seven in the evening, even planning to go out and watch a movie. at that time, i was actually still energetic, not even feeling any drowsiness at all. but at ten, i gave in. woke up the following day-- sunday 2 in the afternoon... oh well...

yesterday, after having a long overdue foot massage, and watching television, i got a call from my theology research paper groupmates saying that i have to drive fast to go to one of our groupmate's house and pick the paper up and submit it at school by nine. i left the house at 2025 h and arrived at my friend's house at 2046 h, and at school around 2054 h. never drove that fast in my entire life... i actually felt like i was going to meet an accident.

today, was a neutral day. until just this evening. felt so depressed for a lot of reasons. one, my senior friends are all leaving. i really feel bad for this. this gives me the creeps especially that, hopefully and unfortunately, we'll be the next in line. i'm getting old and my life is still a failure. i am terribly missing my friends and even if i wanted to, i can't get to communicate with them because of either too busy or it's too late that the friends have already become so distant. i noticed that i have changed a lot. i have become more arrogant, self-centered, and even materialistic. i'm trying my best though to change for the better, but the feeling of having a life that is a failure just deprives me of that motivation to. and even if i wanted to go back to those people who were of good influence to me, i couldn't anymore.