survey 06

4. Hair: dark brown
5. Eyes: dark brown
6. Height: 5'2
7. Location: quezon city
8. Birthday: 20 feb, 1984
9. Zodiac: pisces
10. Status: single

Favorites
11. Animals: dog
12. Sport: softball, basketball, bowling, shooting, badminton
13. Color: black, white, gray, blue
14. Song: if i keep my heart out of sight
15. Band/Singer: maxwell, mariah carey, regine
16. Quote: "kung gusto, may paraan. kung ayaw, may dahilan"
17. Flower: roses
18. Scent: hugo boss red and pleasures, pati the one i'm using now that i just forget the brand
19. Movies: kramer vs. kramer, i am sam, finding nemo
20. Holiday: christmas
22. Element: hydrogen?
23. Books: gut feel
24. Do you wear makeup?: no way! just concealer
25. Do you pluck your eyebrows: nope.
26. Do you look for personality or looks: both
27. Perfect match: huh?
28. How many rings before you answer the phone: after a few missed calls actually.
29. Future Career plans: work in advertising
30. Do you sleep with stuffies? hotdog pillow.
31. Do you want kids: of course
33. Are you pretty?: huh?
34. Do you have your own phone line? no
35. Do you get along with your family?: NOPE
36. Do you have any piercings or tattoos: ear
37. Do you love giving hugs?: sometimes
38. Taking walks in the rain: sometimes
39. The mall?: yeah
40. Go on stage?: nope
41. To drink: me=drunkard
42. To smoke: quitting
43. Drugs: want to try
44. Eat meat: yes but i'm cutting down
45. Dates/dating: sure
46. Sex: i don't want to eat my words
47. Eat sushi: just california maki
48. Bike: i would love to learn how to ride a bike
50. Lace or Satin: satin
51. Blue or Red: blue
52. New or Old: it depends
53. Rain or Snow: depends on my mood
55. Wool or Cotton: cotton.
56. Rose or Daisy: rose
57. Private or public school: i would like to try going to UP
58. Plain milk or chocolate milk: both works for me.
59. Celsius or Fahrenheit: celsius
60. Spring or Fall: both
61. Math or Art: art
62. One pillow or two: two or more
63. Dogs or Cats: dogs
64. Adidas or Nike: nike for design, adidas for function
65. Coke or Pepsi: depends... but i haven't drank any cola for more than a month i think...
66. Oranges or Apples: both
67. Deaf or Blind: neither i hope.
68. Pool or hot tub: depends on the weather
69.Blonde or Brunette: for guys? brunette
70. Guys or Girls: guys...
71. Tall or short: tall
72. TV or Radio: both
73. Homosexuality: i have good friends that are homosexuals and i love them dearly
74. Brand names: gap, old navy, marks and spencer
75. Abortion: for the right reason
76. Religion: non-practicing catholic
77. Animal Rights: necessary!
78. Love at first sight: lust at first sight
79. God: i trust Him with all my heart
80. Aliens: sabi
81. Horoscopes: i read them for fun
82. Heaven: on earth
83. Hell: on earth
84. Reincarnation: i guess so
85. Transvestites: sure
86. Boy Bands: na-ah. another level and boyz II men are boy bands ba?
87. Rap: ja rule and jay-z
88. 80's music: new wave's good.
89. Punk: never appreciated it.
90. What is the prettiest instrument(s): piano and guitar
91. What is the prettiest part of the body? eyes and brain
92. Biggest fault: stubborn
93. Biggest fears: losing loved ones
94. Do you live in the moment?: i would like to
95. Do you care about looks?: i guess i have to... it's still God's creation nonetheless
96. Do you like your handwriting?: kinahig ng manok
97. Obsession: music and television, pop culture
98. Looking forward to: graduating
99. Favorite weather: cloudy but still with the sun

this one's for you, larry...

the ateneo community, as well as a lot of lasallites, love larry. actually, no one i know hates him. he's not mayabang, and he plays quite well. that's why during last sunday's game with UP, when he incurred ACL, everyone got scared and felt so bad especially upon receiving the news that he won't be playing for the rest of the season, and there's even a high possiblity of him endangering his entry to professional basketball. poor guy. and to prove that our beloved jesuit school loves him so much, gate three has been a sight of three noticeably huge banners of larry fonacier with the words... "this one's for you, larry." and after feeling "aww... " upon seeing the banners, i felt like, "ang OA naman."

today's game really was for him. everyone, even fellow ateneans doubted ateneo's chance of winning the UAAP crown after his injury. but then, they really put up a fight even after trailing adamson by 20. i was just able to catch the last three minutes of the game, and after seeing the final shot of LA that sank in, i shoud really admit that the team really dedicated this game's victory for larry.

personally, i think larry looks like a cute bunny.

old

entry word: old
function: adjective
Synonyms ANCIENT 1, aged, age-old, antediluvian, antique, hoary, Noachian, timeworn, venerable
from http://www.m-w.com

officially, i am admitting that i am indeed old.
seven months from now, i will be out of undergrad school.
a year from now, i will be either an employee or a grad school student.

darn. lately, i have been downloading and burning cds of FRANK SINATRA. not avril, not usher, not any other pop bands, but FRANK SINATRA. now, i have reached the point in time where i get to appreciate such music, and long for barbara streisand, when perhaps just five years ago, i would dread people listening to and singing these songs in karaoke bars. last friday night, for review night, bianca gonzales reviewed avril's album. she said it's definitely an album that teenagers can relate with. well, i no longer can, can i?

just this afternoon, i was sharing with my bowling teammate who my crush is in the team-- a new recruit. my teammate and i agreed that he's cute, seems nice, but... HE"S JUST A FRESHIE... and i am a SENIOR... darn... i know myself as getting easily attracted to older men, and definitely not go for younger men (as much as possible not the same month even).

there are so many new shows and new faces on television and i no longer can get their names and faces right. i am so overwhelmed with all these because i am so not used to not knowing everything's that new in television. why? although it's obvious that i have been missing a lot lately because of school work, i also am fixated with the culture of generation that i belonged to. things nowadays come and go so quickly. you have to update yourself minute by minute, otherwise, you'll be left behind.

older and wiser... i don't think this applies to me though. why? lately, i have realized that i no longer have the photographic memory that i had when i was younger. before, i can memorize phone and plate numbers, nowadays, i cannot live without my mobile phone's contact list. also, i seem to lose my common sense. i find it hard to debate with friends because i seem to have lost the ability to organize my thoughts and i have been trying so hard to think deep but all along the answers seem to be just so obvious. i miss out on a lot of terms, because i always feel that they are at the tip of my tongue. and when i forget a term, i usually am not able to sleep until i get to think of it. i hope it's just the stress.

random thoughts on 24th of july, 2004

song playing on my pc: confessions by usher

 

tang***... sorry for such a bad intro... the weather killed it all. i was supposed to do a project with my media management class group mates but damn the weather. imagine, my usual trip from ateneo to house of 20 minutes lasted more than 2 hours! my driver left the house at 5 in the afternoon. house to ateneo trip usually lasts 15 minutes. but it took him 2 hours too. ****ina!

 

anyway, so much for the curses. i haven't seen any movie for the past month or so... kill bill 2, spiderman 2, liberated 2, king arthur, mean girls, singles (fine! jologs na ako!), and the list goes on... all of them i missed. i feel bad... that's an understatement actually. now, i have to spend for dvds... damn! but then, i am proud to have been better in terms of dedication to school requirements. also, i have managed to still keep in touch with my friends.

 

the other day, i got my first long exam in abnormal psychology. felt really bad and pathetic. i was the lowest in class, with 54 points out of 100. passing is 70. GREAT!!!! i feel ashamed of myself. the teacher's remarks were: what happened? you can do better! i really have to work hard...

 

there was something that annoyed me last wednesday. our theology teacher required us to watch a movie for class. it was the Gospel of John. our class was at 1330 and according to the teacher, it was supposed to end by 1500. she reserved the room for 3 hours, and she said that the movie would be played continuously. so, all along, we all thought that there would be two screenings for the movie. but no! by 1430, multiplication of bread and fish pa lang. by 1600, my friends and i walked out and it was just the last supper scene.

 

our theo teacher has three classes: 1330-1430 (my class), 1430-1530, and 1530-1630. first of all, kawawa naman the other students who have other classes on from 1330-1630. they would definitely be missing some parts of the movie. hassle! she should have cut the movie after an hour and show the three parts in three classes, so everyone gets a chance to watch the whole movie. what's more annoying is she didn't even bother apologizing about the length of the movie. she should have been more considerate of giving us three free cuts for the movie.

 

this sunday, she's requiring us another (i'm predicting...) nonesense activity. we will be having a recollection. it will last from 9 to 3:30 in the afternoon. she's giving us three free cuts for this one. but in reality, she has to be giving us 6 free cuts because the whole thing lasts 6 hours.

 

our theo teacher is someone you'd love to hate. she treats her students like kids. she teaches as if our class was a Bible study class, or a typical sunday school class. also, she's very traditional and close minded. imagine, after being taught to be critical thinkers by subjects such as philosophy and the previous theology, we're going to go back to blind faith? and the saddest part--she just assumed the position of theology department chairperson.

challenge 01

for those considering getting themselves in creatives (most especially copy writing)...
 
1. how do you sell a telephone to a trappist monk who is not even allowed to talk?
2. write down the philippine history in 150 words.

my first philo of ethics quiz

i didn't get an A for this one, but the lone comment i got from my professor was GOOD. it made my day happy and i just had to share this.

 

question: "one can persistently determine oneself or attempt to fulfill oneself despite the presence of moral evil by sustaining this by some form of belief in God." is this a rational response to moral evil? explain your answer.

 

answer: a statement such as this somehow makes the existence of God sound as if it were indeed a universal truth that everyone (no exceptions) should live by. however, the reality is that all people are capable of and entitled to do good, whether he or she is a believer of God, and in the same argument, everyone else is also capable of doing evil. self-determination does not necessarily mean that there is a need to believe in God to achieve it, which also brings me to argue that even non-believers can achieve determination, and avoid evil actions as well. this statement concludes the exclusivity of promotion of the good, avoidance of evil, and self-determination to believers in God, which in reality is not true. however, it is true that faith helps in a person's desire to do good and respond to moral evil. faith, to most believers, is an important guide of their way of living, doing, and being. the danger, however, is that there might be reduction of doing good and avoiding evil to all in the name of faith. humanity, in both obvious and subtle ways, is also an important beneficiary of someone's good action/s. we do good because we wish to find the meaning of our lives in as much time given to us to exist in this world. in doing good, our lives are given much more meaning, because day by day, we realize what our purpose is in this life.

friendships

current song on my pc: sweet thing by mary j. blige

if there's anything i hold so much with high regard (if not the highest), it's my friendships with the best among my friends. ever since prep, i was already being described as "friendly" by my batchmates and other friends. i don't deny the fact that i do seem to be a pleasant person at first and can start a conversation of about anything under the sun, but i guess, there are only few people who really know me inside out.

true, i would often say that with me, what you see is what you get. but i guess there's always something more, something deeper. an example of what i am referring to is when i get to be with a friend and there's no need for words to describe how one is feeling, yun bang you just know it.

my mind is easy to read, as my good friends would always say. what's really difficult to read maybe is the intensity of my emotions. yes it's easy to read my facial expressions, but to determine how i put so much dedication in a certain feeling is something that even i myself would admit, is quite hard to do.

i usually project a happy disposition. i am always thought to be one happy-go-lucky gal.
but what a lot of my friends don't know is that i really get mad, pissed, and even get depressed most of the time. i just don't show it. why? maybe because i'm scared to do so. i'm scared that people won't do an effort to understand why i feel that way.

however, most of the time, especially with my closest friends, i'm so shy to do so. because sometimes, they're just too preoccupied with sharing to me their problems, thus, i'd rather not share mine so i won't add to his/her problems. i remember, this was one of the debates that criselle and i had over a day at work. her stand was that she won't not share her problems to someone who's dealing with a problem of his/her own precisely because every relationship is a give-and-take one. if you don't share your problem, then it's just not being fair to your friend who's also willing to lend and ear to hear you out. but of course, my stubborn self answered criselle, that yeah, you're right and i got your point. i know that two heads are better than one and that it's just right to share your problems. but for me, that's merely an ideal set-up. with me, i'd think that, 'hey, my friend's having a problem, and i'd rather not share mine because it'll just add to her worries.' also, i think that being so would make me less selfish and less insensitive, and more considerate, because i just don't want to always think of myself. and she countered me by saying... "that's the problem why your friends tend to take you for granted. you see, if you let a relationship be a give-and-take one, then both of you would know what you mean to your friend and what your friend mean to you." right then, i knew she was right.

i am always being guilty of letting my friends have their way first. i am proud to say that i spoil so much of my good friends. i always find it hard to turn them down when they ask me to do them a favor. kumbaga, they'd treat me differently as to how they treat their other friends. with me, para bang walang hiyaan. and to be honest, i actually feel happy, because it's their honest selves that they're showing to me. criselle would always tell me that that's one of the biggest mistakes that caused me to lose some of my best friends or for them to take me for granted. until today, i still commit this same mistakes, and i guess i'll never learn from them.

i do feel bad that there are a lot of good friends that i turned away or lacked the time to bond with because i was too focused on my more closer friends. fortunately for me, these people have never attempted to give up on me. right now, i feel nothing but contentment with the real friends that i have.

warning. i'm aggressive.

if i remember it correctly, when my social psych teacher asked us to take the how-aggressive-are-you-test last sem, i got a 82% score. that explains why i curse (as an expression) a lot.

i confess that i am indeed an impulsive person. you see, i always seem to have a reaction to something, and more often than not, it's usually intense. the good thing about it is that if you let me react on it for an hour or two, after, i tend to lighten up.

it's not often that i shout and curse at someone directly. i have never cursed someone in their faces during heated arguments, even if i was provoked. (there was an incident when i was in sophomore year when i was cursed "p*****i*a" during an open forum session. and i kept my silence.) the most that i do were usually to raise my voice. if i again, remember it right, i never became physically violent. but when i was in high school, if i really am pissed, i let it out on chairs and walls. well, as i grew older, and hopefully wiser, i have exhausted all physical efforts in sports rather than slapping or punching someone.

however, i really become obviously quiet and look disturbed when i am in a bad mood. i usually give the excuse "i'm just tired" when i don't want to elaborate on a problem, or sometimes, when the friend that's asking me what the nature of my problem is, is the friend that is causing my problem and i just couldn't tell him/ her straight (although the latter does not happen all the time.) this is something that only my close friends know about. i'm usually the jolly type who remains perky all day long, so it's really not often that one can catch me with a i-want-to-kill-someone-today look.

i am glad that i was honest with the test i took. it's good to know that there's something about me that i need to address with a lot of effort, in the soonest possible time. a lot of people are worse than i am, but still, it doesn't give me the right to retain my aggressiveness.

my seatmate for that class admitted that she's indeed physically aggressive. she even told me of an instance when she threw her phone to the maid when the latter pissed her off real bad. thank God that i never was, am, and hopefully will be like that.

when my acting professor got pissed at the class, he actually said that, "you guys should know how lucky you are. i allowed you to see a side of me that even my fiance hasn't even seen." it's just a few days later that i got to realize what he meant by that. not that i'm saying that everyone has to see our horrible, aggressive selves. what i'm saying is it doesn't really hurt to let some of the people we trust the most to see the side that we always hide in order to keep our ideal selves pleasant to everyone's eyes. i'm such a hypocrite for hiding a lot of myself even to my closest friends.

Go! Ateneo!

UAAP fever is once here again. since Paul Tan-Chi days (which was when i was still in high school), i was already a bit a fan of the Ateneo Blue Eagles. well, one of the reasons why i liked the team very much was the fact that it was the only team that had so many good-looking members. during those days, the team wasn't as good as how they were since i got into college.

last night's game was the best. as my friend would say, if either team won the game by such a big lead, it wouldn't be fun to watch. miracles do happen. even if we were down by as much as 15 points in the third quarter, membrere, fonacier, tenorio, and bugia were there to bring pride to the ATENEANS!!!

i couldn't deny though that joseph yeo and ty tang indeed played better than how they did last season. but then again, i guess we were more hungy. and they were to laxed with their double-digit lead.

last night's game is one of its kind. i hope we continue winning until we become the champions.

well, the bonus for fr. que's students? no quiz on cultural relativism! :D

my unlucky day

when i got up this morning, i thought everything will be okay today. well, the first unfortunate incident was at around 11 in the morning, i almost fell on the stairs. the whole afternoon went well. but just when i got into the car, my driver told me that when i got off the car when he brought me to school, he was apprehended by the dean of school of management. good thing that i am under a different school. fine. it was a mistake on our part, but according to my driver, he was arrogant. he asked my driver for my name and which school i belong, and my course. but my driver replied saying he didn't know. and the dean even got pissed and said, "amo mo yan, bakit di mo alam?". idiot. what does my driver know about my course? come to think of it, why does he expect that my driver knows which school i belong? so anyway, the dean asked for the license of my driver. good thing my driver refused. if that stupid dean was looking for identification, he should have referred my car sticker than my driver's name! so anyway, just to settle things as soon as possible, i called the administration and in a way "surrendered" myself to them. i admitted that yes, it was my fault and that shit. so, i asked how much i have to pay for my violation... sad to say. it's five hundred bucks! darn! so anyway, of course, i didn't want to leave without putting up a fight. so, i asked the school administration if what the dean did (asking for the license of my driver) was legal. well, good thing that the guy i talked with said it was right that my driver didn't show him the license. so, tomorrow, as i settle my dues for the violation, i might consider filing a complaint against that dean with the offense of conduct unbecoming of a dean. his arrogance has been the complaint of school of management people. oh, before i forget. when my driver asked him politely who he was, he said, "sabihin mo sa amo mo, DEAN ANG"

another thing happened this evening. i got into a car accident with a jeep. well, it wasn't the jeeps fault. i didn't notice that the gear was on reverse. damn. it was an honest mistake due to the FX driver that was in front of me. when i got down the car to settle with the jeepney driver, i first checked if any of the passengers were injured. thank God wala. i paid him 300 bucks and we settled it amicably.

hope the unluckiness in me dies down tonight.

why i hate being chinese

if you've read my previous blog, you probably have an idea of what i mean and where i'm coming from... i maybe wrong or right, but i know i'm not alone in thinking this way.

1. chinese always have the superior mentality and judgemental.
it's true. this is the reason why inter-cultural marriages are not welcomed in the chinese tradition. even filipino friends are even treated differently. a sample dialogue with my mom shall illustrate the extent of what i'm saying...

me: ma, i'll be doing a project at my friend's house tomorrow night. (in filipino)
mom: ano yung kaibigan mo? chinese o filipino? (in chinese language)

rather than asking first what time i'll be home, or where does that friend live, the first question will be about the race of the person. our culture also has come up with words (that eventually evolved to common language) that are very discriminating. if you've heard words such as huwa na, it is usally referred to as maid. but the etymology actually means something like querida.

another example that will illustrate this mentality is another conversation that happened among us friends in school. this actually happened.

friend a: grabe, ilan kayong chinese sa block? kami dalawa lang.

what i wanted to comment then was, well, go to china and study there, so you won't have to mingle with non-chinese.

i am proud to say that among my friends, i guess i have the most non-chinese friends. not that i hate my chinese friends, but there's a different rapport that i have with my non-chinese friends.

even among us friends, a lot of my fellow chinese are against our friends having filipino boyfriends. you'd often hear the comments... "eh kasi filipino eh."


2. chinese are mukhang pera.
well, in my family's case, it's true. admittedly, i do conduct buy and sell, but it's just to support my self as i will hopefully be independent soon.

i once heard my mom saying, "wala naman kuwenta yung love love na yan eh. pera lang ang kailangan mo sa mundong ito."

i strongly hope that i don't become someone like that. although it's important, money does not own me. my world doesn't revolve around it. and, yes mother, that's what i learned in school.


3. chinese are very traditional.
most of my chinese friends are in BS courses in ateneo, and most even fall under the school of management. i have a friend that's just half chinese and she told me that if she didn't take management course, she would not be allowed to study in ateneo.

when i asked what she plans to do after graduation, one of my chinese friends said that "i'll be managing the family business." as a follow up, i asked, "why not work in some other environment first and start from the bottom, so you'll know how it is really to manage?" she said, "wala akong magagawa. yan ang gusto ng parents ko eh" thankfully, i was able to avoid that fate.

that's actually one of the reasons why i decided to invest in an advertising career. for most chinese, it's a new and unexplored field. i would often hear my advertising teachers say that a lot of chinese businessmen don't trust advertising. if they do, most of them hire their own children to be the talents in their ad. kuripot kasi. this is an excerpt of my conversation with my mom almost a year ago.

me: i'll be having my practicum in an ad agency.
mom: bakit sa advertising agency? bakit hindi na lang sa business natin?
me: eh yun ang gusto ko eh. (but at the back of my mind... eh kasi wala kayong alam doon.)

another chinese friend is taking legal management. and guess what she wants to be after grad? she's taking up med. weird. why? because she said that all the manghuhulas she asked said that she can't put up her own business. the best career for her is to be a doctor. fine! this brings me to the next reason.


4. chinese are very superstitious
i know that filipinos are too, but with chinese, it's overrated. here are some of the queer yet unreasonable traditions that we have.

a. for very conservative chinese families, we are not allowed to wear black.
b. if we happen to visit a friend or a relative who passed away in a funeral parlor, we have to eat candies, and not say goodbye to the family of the dead when we leave. also, we have to pass by somewhere first before we get home, so we won't bring the kamalasan to our house.
c. we cannot give watches, clocks, or any time pieces as gifts. why? because it's like saying... "you're time is up!"
d. we also cannot give shoes or any other footwear as gifts. why? because it's like you're stepping the person to the ground...
e. there is such a thing as good time, good day, and bad time, bad day. i happen to be a victim of this. i cannot do a lot of activities because my mom would reason out that it's a bad time for me.
f. they strictly believe in the compatibility among the chinese zodiac.
g. usually, what the manghuhula says is the law.
h. in attending birthday parties, we should all wear red. goodbye fashion!
i. chinese are strict followers of feng shui. because it is wrong to have the bathroom as the center of the house, my mom would always blame that as the reason behind the failure of our family.
j. some of our clothes are brought to the temples to be blessed.
k. we are supposed to carry a anting-anting in our wallets and cars.
l. we are not supposed to possess things that are colored black. (even cars)
m. after marriage, there's such a thing that newly weds need to do which is to walk down the stairs backward, and drink tea.
n. chinese are so fond of circular objects.
o. we're not supposed to make the chopstick tusok to our rice bowls.


5. traditional chinese reduce relationships as something obligatory.
most chinese parents define love as "being able to give my children's physical needs." they disregard the more important intangibles like friendship, genuine love, understanding, bond, etc. money is regarded highly by most of them. it's as if their world revolves around it. they don't really care about feelings, emotions, and dignities of other people as long as they get money.


6. chinese are generally bastos.
kwak doo is a term that my fellow chinese friends came up years ago. it's the sound that is produced when old chinese spit along the roads in chinatown. now you have an idea why chinatowns all over the world is dirty. *alert! missing manners!* also, this is what i notice often among chinese people. say i were in a scenario with my mother and my filipino friend. my mom will speak chinese in front of her. out of delicadeza, i answer back in filipino. why? i don't want to make my friend feel that we're talking bad about her.

my family

it is really depressing coming from a broken family. well, i have grown to be indifferent to mine anyway-- my biological family i should say. i guess chinese families are really destined to be superficial and prone to break-ups. but mine is much worse.

when i was a young kid, i was living such an ideal life. yes, i was used to my mom shouting at my dad, and my dad quietly keeps his anger to himself, and my eldest brother cursing me putangina over and over again, but still, i did my part as a thoughtful daughter. i never failed to give gifts and greeting cards to all the members of my family, from my dad and my mom, to all of my four older brothers. however, in spite of that, they were never appreciative of my efforts except for my second brother. i would often catch my mom misplacing my gifts and cards. and the way she says thank you is obviously not sincere. nevertheless, i still continued being a good daughter.

it was during my high school years when things in our family got even worse than how it was. during second year high school, there was a big fight between my mom and my dad. when my lolo and lola (my parents' grandparents in their wedding--they're filipinos by the way, and i love them so much.) asked us kids what we wanted to happen to them. i remember saying that, "well if they're going to fight and get separated in the future anyway, then let them separate now." it didn't happen though. they still continued fighting like cats and dogs but life was supposed to go on for us.

the following year came, and another tragedy happened. it was a friday night, and my second brother was kicked out of the house by my mom and dad. personally, i thought of that event as one of the worse that happened in our family. he was my closest brother. he really knew me inside out and he took care of me. he was the nicest among us, and yet, he got kicked out. because we used to have saturday classes in school, i wasn't aware of what happened until i got home. no one from my family, not even my parents, told me about it. it was our guard who broke to me the bad news. i remembered crying silently. i didn't know what to do. i felt helpless.

after, most of the office and house responsibilities were divided between me and my eldest brother. but since he had another job, i took over helping in the family business. there were nights when i was forced to finish paper works even if i had long tests and school papers due the following day. but because i knew that it was an obligation on my part as a daughter, i still contined doing so. even if i requested to my mom that i might need to stop, she wouldn't let me. because i didn't want to add to problems, i didn't fight with her. i just kept my silence.

that continued even during college years. it just stopped last year when we closed shop. relationships in the house were getting worse and worse. my dad had to leave for some reasons and for more than five months he hasn't shown up. my mom and i would fight often lately because i could no longer be tolerant of her abuses to me and to other people. my eldest brother of course never failed to take her side, so we would fight too. and since my second brother is not around to help me when i need it, i turn to my friends instead.

it's so difficult living in a place where there's so much hostility. come to think of it, i have decided to be aloof myself. and my mother complains about me being bastos when i speak up and when i shut up. labo. she can't accept the reality that all of us definitely got affected with all the problems and it's so difficult for us to move on. my treatment towards her has definitely changed. i don't want to remain patient with her because it's obvious that she tends to abuse it. it's so frustrating that it's your own family that's destroying your dreams, when they're supposed to be helping you build it. in my case, my life would be way better if i'm not with them.

survey 05

A is for age: 20...
B is for boyfriend: give me one.
C is for career: advertising related
D is for dad's name: jimmy
E is for essential item to bring to a party: humor
F is for favorite song at the moment: sweet thing by mary j. blige and chances are by side a
G is for girlfriend: i'm straight.
H is for hometown: quezon city!
I is for instruments you play: none sadly.
J is for jam or jelly you like: strawberry.
K is for kids: i want 3 or 4
L is for living arrangements: bahay.
M is for mom's name: roxana
N is for name of your best friend: don't have any. but my closest are louie, criselle, kamats, mais, buds, kumag and ate gail
O is for overnight hospital stays: never except when i was born
P is for phobia[s]: falling
Q is for quote you like: "kung gusto may paraan, kung ayaw may dahilan."
R is for relationship that lasted the longest: never had
S is for sexual position: ---
T is for time you wake up: eight
U is for unique trait: too nice na bordering to stupidity.
V is for vegetable you love: broccoli, cauliflower
W is your worst habit: tamad
X is for x-rays you've had: teeth, chest
Y is for yummy food you make: wala pa eh
Z is for zodiac sign: pisces

survey 04

[ ] ka ba?

[pikon]
- depende kung kanino

[maarte]
- OC

[pihikan]
- depende saan

[malambing]
- oo :D

[madaldal]
- yeah!

[KJ]
- hindi masyado.

[conservative]
- hindi masyado.

[lakwatsera/ro]
- pwede na.

[OA]
- sabi..

[blacksheep]
- oo naman!

[epal]
- hahaha.

[papansin]
- pwede.

[bulgar magsalita]
- surely!

[frank]
- depends on who.

[maharot]
- ayos lang.

[boring]
- sana hindi.

[liar]
- white lies

[faithful]
- yeah.

[palamura]
- NOT AT ALL!

[smoker]
- hahahaha....

[lasenggo]
- i never got drunk!

[weird]
- very.

[seksi]
- i wish!

[kras ng bayan]
- di na lang bale.

[friendly]
- sabi...

[walang taste]
- i have taste dear!

[walang originality]
- kung desperado.

[mayabang]
- slight.

[antukin]
- yep!

[lakas trip]
- depends on who

[mababaw ang luha]
- ha. kung si ance meteor garden, ako sa runaway bride, monsters inc.

[love your neighbors]
- ayos lang.

[sumbungan ng friends]
- SOBRA.

[tried vandalism]
- yeah...

[late]
- nowadays.

[dork]
- thankfully not!

[eksplorador]
- very!

[laging gutom]
- nowadays di na.

[tamad]
- hahaha... oo!

[walang lavlayf]
- sinabi mo pa!

[matalino]
- ayos lang!

[gastador]
- sa mga kaibigan.

[kuripot]
- sa pagkain.

survey 03

fifty firsts

1. 1st school you attended:
*st. mark's learning center

2. 1st friend you had when you entered school:
*femmi gan ata

3. 1st ambition:
*to be a chemist

4. 1st award you received:
*second honor noong prep

5. 1st hero:
*batman

6. 1st time you were sent to the principal for disciplinary actions:
*never. :D

7. 1st time you failed in school:
*filipino quiz noong grade four ata-- yung you have to determine what the pronounciation of the word is. kung malumi, malumay, maragsa, or mabilis

8. 1st college entrance exam you took:
*UP

9. 1st teacher in college:
*ma'am loredo for english

10. 1st job:
*mcdo kiddie crew

11. 1st goal you achieved:
*honor student

12. 1st crush:
*batman--adam west

13. 1st person who gave you flowers:
*my bro.

14. 1st date:
*hahaah

15. 1st boyfriend / girlfriend:
*nada!

16. 1st kiss:
*hahaha!

17. 1st movie you watched with a bf / gf:
*nada!

18. 1st fight with a bf / gf:
*nada!

19. 1st break-up:
*nada!

20. 1st time you cheated on your bf / gf:
*nada!

21. 1st gift you received from a bf / gf:
*nada!

22. 1st gift you gave to a bf / gf:
*nada!

23. 1st record you bought:
*taylor dane ata.

24. 1st song you sang infront of many people:
*lupang hinirang?

25. 1st musical instrument you learned to play:
*piano. but i never pursued it. feel bad.

26. 1st concert you watched:
*laura branigan

27. 1st celebrity you saw in person:
*i forget.

28. 1st TV show you really liked:
*yung 1960s na batman

29. 1st book you bought:
*nancy drew

30. 1st sport you played:
*touch taya?

31. 1st sleepover:
*my cousin's place.

32. 1st terrible fight:
*noong grade six

33. 1st prank:
*grade four? we used to twist two stapler wires and make it like a chicken wire

34. 1st inaanak:
*wala pa.

35. 1st debut party you attended:
*kay stepay ata.

36. 1st time you entered a bar:
*i don't remember na.

37. 1st bestfriend:
*ashley tan

38. 1st wedding you attended:
*i forget. but the one that i remember was lolo hugo's wedding anniversary

39. 1st person who greeted you on your last birthday:
*cherish ata, or si david.

40. 1st friend in friendster:
*jennifer dy.

41. 1st time you got lost:
*in hongkong. my dad and lola left me sa mall.

42. 1st cellphone:
*6110.

43. 1st cellphone ringtone:
*sex and the city ata.

44. 1st collection:
*stamps.

45. 1st time you felt proud of yourself:
*when our softball team won gold in our first game.

46. 1st time you saw a ghost:
*never seen one

47. 1st rollercoaster ride:
*sa ocean park.

48. 1st time you tried smoking:
*high school pa ata. second year?

49. 1st alcoholic drink you had:
*champagne.

50. 1st time you spent the night alone
*i don't remember.

survey 02

1.ANO STUDENT NUMBER MO?:
--> 0122**

2.NAKAPASA KA BA OR WAITLISTED?:
--> pasado! with flying colors

3.PANO MO NALAMAN ANG ACET RESULT?:
--> my friend's brother texted her... si lizanne at ang kuya niyang si jhocson

4.FIRST CHOICE MO BA ANG Ateneo?:
--> yep. i even made a bet na if i didn't pass admu, sa thames ako.

5.ALAM MO BA ANG ACET score MO?:
--> forget

6.ANO ANG FIRST CHOICE MO NA COURSE?:
--> IS. just like what blooey says... who cares about freakin' prestige?!?!

7.SECOND CHOICE?:
--> Communications na ata

8.ANO COURSE MO NGAUN?:
--> IS! with 11 comm electives

9.MAY PLANO KA MGSHIFT:?
--> i used to.

10.CHINITO/CHINITA KA BA?:
--> hahaha... not proud to be one.

11.TGA ATENEO HIGH?:
--> malamang hindi

12.NAGENJOY KA BA SA ORSEM?:
--> ayos lang.

13.SAANG GATE KA PUMASOK NUNG FIRST DAY?:
--> Gate 3.

14.NAKAPAGDORM KA NA BA?:
--> not yet

15.NAGKA-F KA NA BA?:
--> wala.

16. NAGKA-A?:
--> yeah! :D

17.HIGHEST GRADE:
--> A

18.LOWEST:
--> C--> math 11, acct 15, and philo 101

19.WORST EXPERIENCE SA AdMU:
--> acct. 15

20.LAGI KA BANG UMAATEND NG KLASE?:
--> yep.

21.ANONG ORG MO?
--> cosa, ajma, and now some SOA orgs

22.MAY SCHOLARSHIP KA BA?:
--> sana

23.ILANG UNITS NA NAIPASA MO?:
--> more than a hundred

24.NANGANGARAP KA BA NA MAGLAUDE?:
--> yep. pero hanggang honorable na lang siguro.

25.KELAN KA GAGRADUATE?:
--> 2005 march. sana.

26.FAVE TEACHER:
--> sir sev, mrs. diyco, fr. nick, sir hans, sir apolonio, sir ambeth, dr. capino, fr. dacs, fr. que, sir chua, sir francis tanglao-aguas, sir paul gongora.

27.WORST TEACHER:
--> my theo 121 teacher.

28.FAVE SUBJECT:
--> subjects of my fave teachers.

29.WORST SUBJECT:
--> theo 121, theo 151, math 11.

30.FAVE LANDMARK SA AdMU:
--> meron lagoon?

31.BUILDING?:
--> com dept

32.FAVE KAINAN:
--> manangs, caf

34.ESTUDYANTE BA ANG BINABAYAD MO SA JEEP:
--> hindi po.

35.LAGI KA BA SA RIZAL LIB:?
--> ngayon medyo.

36.NAGPUNTA KA BA SA INFIRMARY NUNG MINSANG NAGKASAKIT KA?:
--> oo. sa kaka-strain sa paa ko

37.MAY CRUSH KA BA SA CAMPUS?:
--> oo naman.

38.BF/GF?:
--> wala po.

39.MAY BALAK KA BA MG-MS, PHD?:
--> not here

40.ANU-ANO ANG MGA na-PE MO?
--> 101, basketball, table tennis, and badminton

41.KAMUSTA NAMAN ANG BLOC NYO?:
--> ayos!

42.NAKAPANOOD KA NA BA NG GRADUATION?:
--> slight!

43.MEMORIZE MO BA ANG ALMA MATER SONG?
--> pwede na.

44.MEMORIZE MO BA ANG FABILIOH?
---> oo din

45.E ANG HALIKINU?
--> aba oo!

46.E ANG BLUE EAGLE SPELLING?
--> siyempre naman.

47.MEMBER KA BA NG TEAM ATENEO?
--> yep!

48.CNO PABORITO MONG UAAP BASKETBALL PLAYER?
--> paul tanchi!

49. NAKAPERFECT KA NA BA NG EXAM?:
--> not sure

50.ANO AYAW MO SA HELL WEEK:?
---> lahat?

51.DITO KA BA NATUTO UMINOM NG BEER OR ALAK, MANIGARILYO?:
---> yung yosi, sorta...

52.DITO KA BA NADEVIRGINIZE?:
---> pwede! :D

53.ANO GUSTO MO SA SKUL NATIN?:
---> ewan. nagmemeron ang mga lagoon!

54.ANO AYAW MO?
--> scary and pag umulan hassle.

55.BUMILI KA NA BA SA A-SHOP?
---> surely!

56.MAGANDA BA ID PIC MO?
--> ayos lang.

57.MAY GINAWA KA NA BANG ILLEGAL SA LOOB NG CAMPUS?
--> cheating...

58.NAKABILI KA NA BA NG GAMIT SA NATIONAL KATIPS?
--> siyempre naman!

59.NAGSTARBUCKS KA NA BA SA KATIPS?
--> oo naman!

60.GUSTO MO BA ANG BLUE?
--> of course!

current song

sweet thing by mary j. blige

got reminded of this oldie but goodie while watching six feet under kanina

shit. it's gonna be yearbook pictorial in 15 hours

yep. i am old alright. i'm graduating, and in 15 hours i would be having my face made up i'll be wearing a black shirt, in a toga. and after, a creative pose. since it would be difficult to describe it, i'll just be posting a picture of it (unless i had to change it for some lousy reason).

hmmm... i'll be drifting away from the topic. i'll be shifting to... a list of possible career paths for me.

1. advertising-- whether it's accounts, strategic planning, media, or even creatives (just a bit), i would be dead set to take any job.

2. PR-- because i enjoyed sev's class, (especially the mock up projects that we did-- the 3 dimensional model of the event's venue set up) i am willing to go for it.

3. events organizer-- this will be fun, yet tiring. will definitely shape my creativity. imagine having a work that's going to force you to party your heart out.

4. film/ television critic-- that's why my thesis is about love teams. i have been hooked to local channels since i was a kid, so i think i know some but i still have yet to learn...

5. restaurant/ bar owner-- my name for my dream bar--- HAMMOCK (please don't steal it).

6. law student-- way back in grade school, my batchmates thought that i'd make a good lawyer because i was always excited (daw) to get into arguments. i loved reasoning my way out of everything and anything. but since ate gail said that she has been reading so many stuffs since law school started, i am thinking of avoiding this path. maybe, maybe not.

7. ma in advertising/ communications-- siyempre sa states. if i have the money.

... to be continued...

terrible ads 01

i am currently reading the latest issue of a magazine. i came across a print ad that i found rather disturbing especially when i saw it first. then i heard a horrible story behind it.

the print ad is of a multivitamins brand. the idea behind the ad is that between the two "female" pictures shown, the readers would be guessing who is the real woman between the two. obviously, one is a male. the idea was that the multivitamin has a unique formula that's gender-specific, thus the concept.

i got this from a reliable source. as the talents' ( a male and a female) photos were taken during the pictorial, none from the agency told them about the concept. they were not briefed. not before, not during, not even after the ad was made, and perhaps, even after it was printed. the guy, who was made up enough to make him look like a she more than a he, had no idea that his picture was to be one of the choices of the readers as a real female or not. kawawa naman.

you see, advertising in the country is one of the more disciplined industries in the country. until now, brand A is still not allowed to make direct hits to brand B and vice-versa. plagiarism is being practiced less and less. people in the industry take note of the deadlines and keeps their word in meeting them. however, with such an example, this industry, is nevertheless, not spared from unprofessionalism. it's such a bad feeling considering that the agency behind it is one of the most admired (in terms of creativity.) tsk. tsk. i hope these inhumane, insensitive, and inappropriate acts should be acted upon in a year's time.

oprah's favorite things

one of my goals in life is to be able to get to watch live an episode of oprah's favorite things. can you imagine? i have watched four episodes of different seasons. she has elves giving away different EXPENSIVE things... from bath robes to turkeys, to cellular phones and IPODS!!! to all her live audience. she's really something. can you just imagine how malakas she is with the sponsors? she has around 300 live audience members. so for mac to just give away so many ipods, that's really something. if you add up the total amount of the things that she gives away during her favorite things episodes, it might add up to around 3000 dollars per episode. that's 3000 dollars multiplied by 300 multiplied by 57. that's around 51,300,000 pesos per episode. wow. out of extreme shock and happiness, some members of her audience even cried. and companies are more than willing to give away premium items for oprah. why? oprah has even threatened these companies that if they don't give, she won't be including their products in her favorite things list. see how powerful she is? the irony lies in her being an african-american. and in reality, despite the discrimination, she is considered to be the most influential person in the states.

once, though not for her favorite things episode, she gave away a PORSCHE to a guy who has successfully lost more than 200 pounds. it was his dream to own one, but oprah decides to give him one as a reward for being an inspiration to people who wants to lose weight lucky guy!

i heard from some of my friends that kris aquino is sort of doing the same thing. i think that's good news, considering our fellow countrymen need it more than the americans.

sir hans lopez-vito 

the upcoming sims 2

my friend berns shared with me a good news tonight. maxis is coming up with a new sims. i read the news about it in the official website, and i found it cool. they totally made over the old sim and added a lot of new features. i am looking forward to that!!!

things i need to do before i leave college

in random order

1. play in the IAC women's basketball.
(this in spite of my semi-broken left ankle and left knee)

2. get my varsity jacket.
(i hope adidas will still be this year's maker)

3. smoke pot in school! :)

4. drink alcohol in school!

5. vandalize! :D

6. say thanks and goodbye to the best teachers that i had and having in my stay.
(sir sev sarmenta-- this jolly good fellow is the best and most inspiring teacher, mentor, and even father figure that one can ever have. taking three classes under him is more than enough to prove how great he is.)
(fr. dacanay-- a priest who thinks not like a slave of the catholic church. he shared to us a critical view of marriage and sexuality, without emphasizing too much on what the church says)
(fr. que-- the best philo teacher. just like fr. dacs, he doesn't act as if he were some slave of the church. true epitome of a philosopher/ pilosopo.)
(sir hans lopez-vito--hot hot hot! this ilonggo advertising management professor of mine is just the best. more than an eye candy, he's the nicest, most understanding, least strict, and fun teacher one could ever ask for. he even brought us food almost every week. imagine, it was his class that i was willingly to wake up saturday mornings. he also has become most of his students' [including me of course] career consultant.)
(si jo-ed tirol-- one of the two best teachers in the history department. he gives us the best notes, makes us watch the best films-- american history x is one of them, gave the best farewell speech during our last meeting, and definitely an inspiration.)
(sir francis tanglao-aguas-- my acting teacher. at first, he scared the hell out of the whole class. but it was in his class that we all bonded, took away a lot of our inhibitions, and knew the real meaning of the word respect.)
(sir jerry apolonio-- the most fun, entertaining, sociology professor in the university. i felt great when he invited me to shift to AB Sociology. we eventually became good friends.)
(sir ambeth ocampo-- the other best teacher of the history department. he is entertaining, critical, yet less serious of all the history teachers. i will never forget his oral exam question--if rizal were alive today, would he run as president? i definitely got a lot from him.)
(sir paul gongora-- another hottie. my favorite filipino teacher. his entertaining and witty antics is what i miss the most about him. existential questions as the topic in filipino class? that was how interesting the class was.)
(mrs. nanette diyco-- the typical filipina grandmother that loved to share lots of stories. she somehow helped me in discovering my way to the career in advertising. she somehow striked the first match for me.)
(fr. nick cruz-- true to how sir sev describes him, he's santa claus personsified. this meek loveable film theory professor shared to us what now i consider one of my favorite films-- kramer vs. kramer.)
(dr. jose bernard capino-- i super loved his class. it was him who introduced me to the world of queer eye, for love or money, philippine entertainment studies. i salute him for hating mike enriquez, just like i do.)

missed writing

jinno rufino is sooo hot.
carlo rufino is hot.
juddah paolo is sooo hot.

i love the new studio 23 station ID. everyone looked much more beautiful with their classy dresses and more guwapo with their black suits. marry me JINNO RUFINO!

going back to reality...

it's been more than two months since i last posted here. and now that i have come back to the academic world, i have to face the harsh reality of... THESIS.

you see, my thesis adviser is my ate gail's favorite. as you probably know, ate gail is one person i trust the most...to even actually get fr. dacanay for marriage and sexuality and fr. que for philo of ethics. going back to what i was saying, when i found out last summer that i got the same adviser, i was rejoicing. but now, i am wishing that i get to move to another class. my adviser seemed to be calm, relaxed. but ever since the first day, she seemed like she was dying to reject my topic.

since last year, i have been thinking about doing a thesis on LOVE TEAMS. yep. you got me right. i realized that aside from advertising, studying pop culture (especially media studies) is also one thinking that i am passionate about. i was actually inspired when i took my first sev sarmenta class summer last year, which was audience study. and i guess even sir sev saw my interest in media studies. i remember that during my third class with him just last sem, he even invited me to go to a media study talk in UP.

anyway, so far, there now has been two people opposing my topic. my adviser and one of my coursemate. this coursemate of mine is such an a**hole. forgive the horrible language, but i just have to say. he's gay. and not that i hate gays, i have lots of gay friends whom i love so much, but this gay is the annoying type of gay. when he asked me what my thesis topic was, i answered confidently... "LOVE TEAMS." and guess what i got? "ANO?!! LOVE TEAMS ANG CULMINATION NG LAHAT NG NATUTUNAN MO SA ATENEO?!?! ANG CHEAP AH!"... oh di ba? annoying.

so there. now, i am preparing myself for another night of arguments with my thesis adviser. just like last week, she was ordering me to defend to her that my topic can actually cover 60 pages. she was in hot temper when we were discussing my proposal, and her facial expression seemed like my proposal was hopeless. the sad part? thesis lasts for a year. hope for the best, expect for the worst.

this morning, i got into a small car accident that i even find stupid. it was my mistake. i guess i was just really tired. since last thursday, i have been out. mostly because of the bowling tournament in megamall, and some parties that i just couldn't miss. i really have to give some time to myself.

want to know how crazy i am? aside from thesis, i am taking seven more subjects, thus, a total of 24 units this sem. and so far, i am already having a hard time. great books, theology, and abnormal psych are the boring subjects. i enjoy philo, sports business, history, and media management. i guess i really need to keep myself busy to forget about the problems i have at home. the sad part is that i have lesser time to spend with friends and my cousins.

i haven't seen spiderman. darn. i heard that it just has longer fight scenes, and apparently, some people fell asleep while watching it. i don't really have time for those anymore. actually to exchange non-working dvds that i bought in greenhills a month ago is something that i must do but i just don't have the time for it anymore. all these because i want to avoid the house.

current song: if i ever feel better by phoenix