the incredible pad

just three hours ago, while channel surfing, i chanced upon one of the infamous home tv shopping channels. the product featured was another one of those slimming products from taiwan or some oriental country that obviously-never-works-but-just-the-same-you-are-tempted-to-buy. it is called the incredible pad and here's how it works:

the incredible pad is a pad that you patch on the sole of your foot overnight, and voila, you get to lose 1 kg just for that. what happens is the pad (miraculously) absorbs the fat and oil in the body (concentrating on the lower body--the hips, waist, legs, and thighs). you can lose as much as 8 kg in a month's time of use. believe it? well...

i was tempted. i called the number (712-0000), wanting to ask the operator if there are indeed side-effects, and if it's a money back guarantee offer. unfortunately, (and this is the ironic part) no one was answering. i tried thirce and no one was answering. just in case you are tempted to buy it, it costs 3680 bucks. and since the good operators who are supposed to answer all the calls didn't pick up mine, i wouldn't know if they have side-effects and if it's a money-back guarantee offer.

good thing that i didn't buy. yes, i actually am desperate to lose all the bad fats in my body and trim down to how just right my body was back in grade four, or even during second year high school, just what my friend said. as much as i want to play basketball and badminton all day to be fit, i can't. either i'm too lazy to or i'm too busy to. i haven't been going to the gym for almost five months now, and my body is now immune to a lot of diets. now i'm planning to go on a veggie diet, considering that my favorite meat, chicken, might even be contaminated with bird flu. jeez. good thing that i have avoided beef (well except for burgers and the beef in spaghetti sauce). next would be chicken and pork. then i can live with fish, seafoods, veggies, and fruits. i'm even thinking of having a plain fruit diet for this week. hope it would work!

i'll be a bit free from school work starting next week, so i can spend my weekend at my cousin's house and burn all my fat with their bike, their badminton rackets, basketball court, and their pool! i'm going back to swimming (hoping that i still remember the swimming lessons i took two years ago). my goal: to lose approximately 20 pounds before april. if i happen to succeed, i will reward myself with a trip to either boracay or even california! (jacqie i'd finally get to see you!)

random thoughts on the 23rd of january, 2004

something a bit amusing yet weird happened today... just after taking my lunch, my friends came to me and our other friends at our table in the caf, asking us to answer a survey... (which i initially thought was harmless, just like the usual student surveys for the research papers). i was wrong.... the intro went something like this....

hello! we are junior students taking up theology. as one of our requirements, we need to submit a research paper on a topic regarding moral ethics. the topic our group chose was WHAT CONSTITUES PRE-MARITAL SEX FOR ATENEANS....

after a quick glance at the intro, i started answering.

1. have you had a crush on the opposite sex? --sige, chika lang yan.
2. have you ever fallen in love ? uh.....
3. did you ever have a boyfriend? next...

ETO NA...

4. have you ever had sexual fantasies about the opposite sex? ano ba ito, Lord?!
5. are you still a virgin?
6. have you ever had sex?
(note: five and six seem the same, that's exactly the point of the research. they want to know how ateneans define pre-marital sex... probably because of the numerous articles in cosmopolitan asking margie holmes if foreplay is equal to devirginization)

7. have you ever experienced necking? (during this part, i played dumb)
8. would you allow your partner to "neck" you?

9. have you ever reached the first base? (an explanation of first base came after the question to guide the naive, playing naive, and even the "naka-first base na pala ako" people)
10. would you allow your partner to reach the first base with you?

(note: they asked about all the other bases)

for the finale, they asked this: what would constitute pre-marital sex?

my sarcastic self eventually conquered my "nice" self. i answered what we discussed for theo class just an hour before the survey. according to the stupid CATHOLIC CHURCH, divorce is not allowed, but they allow dissolution (which is a different thing from annulment. dissolution basically means that they recognize the marriage and just had it dissolved. annulment on the other hand, the marriage is only for appearance, meaning it pretended it existed but there is no meaning to it, thus, there wasn't any marriage at all). the only kind of marriage that CANNOT BE dissoluted is that of between two baptized christians whose marriage is consummated. leading you to ask, what the hell does consummation mean?

the three requirements to be considered as consummated (all must be required):
1. if the male's penis has maintained its erection
2. if there is penetration
3. if there is an ejaculation of sperm or at least the seminal fluid

and these were my answers for the last question of the survey... :D

right after answering the survey, all four of us, represented by both genders equally, were discussing about it. the funny thing was that all four of us came from the conservative high school, and as expected the other girl was a bit "naive" and "moral" about the whole thing. so i started the discussion. i asked my guy friend: when you males are together with your barkada, do you actually talk about your sex lives?

and surprisingly he said, that with his group, they seldom don't. it goes more like "ah! ganoon pala yun!". however, there really are some guys who do talk about it. that's where he actually stated a sad reality. GUYS REALLY GO FOR THE VIRGINS MORE, AND THEY SELDOM CAN EASILY ACCEPT IF THEIR PARTNERS ARE NOT ONE ANYMORE. their reason: a guy cannot imagine this scenario-- if he and his partner went somewhere and suddenly bumped into the guy whom the girl did it with (much worse if they really loved each other), the guy (who the girl currently is with) wouldn't stop thinking about how the whole thing went, plus the agony of imagining the one whom the girl did it with kissing and telling his friends about the sexcapade.

random thoughts on the 13th of january, 2004

two nights ago, i had a hard time sleeping. i kept waking up in the middle of the night. i am being kept reminded of the problem i thought i had moved on from. i thought that i have already accepted my fate and i can now move on. it's probably just so hard to let go of something that you have well taken care of for a long time. since that night, the feeling of depression has been coming to my senses again. maybe it's really meant to haunt me for the rest of my life. maybe it's God's way of saying that i haven't done enough. or maybe it's God's way of saying that i lost something that i'm not meant to lose.

along with this, i have started contemplating on my future. just this afternoon, a fellow coursemate of mine and i were walking away from class together. we were saying to ourselves that it's just a year to go and poof, we'll hopefully be graduating. in 37 days, i'll be another year older. and technically, for those two decades, i don't even know if i really have done a lot to prepare me to enter the real world.

i still am deciding on my plan to pursue a double degree. if i do so, i would have to stay in school for another year, and if i am to take the subjects that are only required of me, i might be able to work part time. although this is a good plan, some of my friends are telling me not to pursue it anymore since some of the subjects that i will have to take are a lot similar to what i have taken for my current degree. plus, i will have to do another thesis just in case. another disadvantage if i were to pursue it, i wouldn't be able to leave my house sooner. meaning, i would have to stick with my family a little longer. i am in great confusion, and i wish i can get the answer as easy and as soon as possible. my time is running out.

right now, everything is so vague. from my career path to my relationships with others, i can't be firm on anything. i have come to a point where i am extremely lost. and it's sad that even if i do a lot to get back to it, it's never a one way street. the people i am hoping to help me have left and i am carrying so much more load than i am supposed to. my father's gone and i'm supposed to take his place in running errands for my mother. in a month's time perhaps, there would be a great war between my mom and my aunt who i have already learned to consider as my mother. this would mean that my relationship with my cousins might even be wounded. i don't know what to do with school anymore. i don't even know if i should start working this summer for practicum or take a vacation. i don't know how to start making money in order for me to leave the house. i am crippled.

it is quite depressing when i am expected to put on a show of being happy in school when i know that my life is a picture of a disaster. i know that there are some things that i should be glad about, but then again, somehow, it will never equate the value of the things that i lost along the way.

as much as i want to avoid crying, i couldn't. when i think about how my life has been, i can only see ironies. i have treated my family well, and they just seem to ruin my life, my dreams, my sources of happiness. i have done a lot to help so many people but i have never helped myself. i dream big, but reality only comes so frustratingly close yet left the essentials behind.

i am in the middle of nowhere. even if i asked for so many answers, all that comes to me are more and more questions. just a little bit more, and i might even lose my faith, which i am doing my best not to happen. i just wonder, what did i do to deserve all the happiness and this depression? i hope i can still be strong enough to lift myself up from this rubble.

movies that i watched during the christmas break

thanks to greenhills, i have started buying tons of pirated dvds. i don't really feel a lot guilty for patronizing pirated more than the real thing. it's even cheaper than watching them at the cinemas. plus, some of the films that i got aren't anymore shown on moviehouses.

1. the life of david gale-- kevin spacey, laura linney.
i was aware of this movie thanks to my friend sidney. last semester, their philo teacher made them watch this movie for class. sidney kept bugging me to help him look for a copy from the different video rental stores. fortunately for me, i saw one in greenhills.

though there maybe some feeling of confusion after watching this movie, the idea is unique, creative, yet realistic. this movie really made me think a lot. kate winslet acted badly though. but as usual, kevin spacey delivered yet another acting masterpiece.

it's about kevin spacey's character (a philosophy professor) asking help from a journalist (kate winslet) three days before he gets to be hanged. he has been charged with murder and the irony is that he is an activist against death penalty.


2. identity-- john cusack, ray liotta.
a lot of my friends have been raving about this movie. it actually scared the shit out of me.

the story revolves around ten people who had just met on a certain night. they were all forced to stay in a motel far away from town because of bad weather, and each of them gets killed one by one. one of them is the murderer but they have to find out who before they all run out of time.


3. basic-- john travolta, samuel l. jackson.
this movie reminds me of vanilla sky, not because of its theme, but because of how the film ended. i'm not going to spill it. but unlike vanilla sky, it's a good movie. just like the first two movies, it's a movie that makes you think... hard. and for the first time, i got turned on with john travolta in his sexy black tight-fit shirt and blue denims, just like his grease days.

this film reminds me of the movie hero.

it's all about a mysterious death of a high-ranking military officer (samuel l. jackson) who trains those who join the army. the government investigates who committed the crime and on what motive with the help of john travolta. as john travolta investigates the suspects, he is being given different conflicting stories and his collegue even made to believe that he himself maybe behind the crime.

my love affair with death and fireworks

only my good friends know this, and i wish they grant me this request: when i die, i want to have a grand fireworks display. it's obviously weird-- as one of my friends has said, "why want us to celebrate your death?" i don't know. maybe it is indeed a reason to celebrate. or maybe i just love fireworks so much that it's the last thing i would want to be seen with before i get to my final destination.

last night, being new year's eve, there were lots of fireworks display in major commercial areas of the region. unfortunately for me, i wasn't able to go to as planned because of my mother who has failed to give me this consolation for the second year in a row. i wanted to take some pictures in a chosen place (rockwell, ortigas, fort, makati), but thanks to her broken promises, i had to settle with taking pictures outside our house which was a but useless since everywhere around us, the houses are tall.

last december 20, when i had my reunion with some of my high school batchmates in greenbelt, there was a spectacular fireworks display. since my tears are very shallow, after the display, i almost cried, out of joy. among the group, i was probably the most awed. wishing that while watching the display, all my problems disappear. it was relatively long, took around 7 to 10 minutes i think. fireworks with mostly chirstmas colors of green and red were used. when we were talking about how much it costed ayala, my friend sheepishly said, "it's more or less parking collection for only half a day."

what is it about fireworks? well, maybe it's not usual you see one. it's not everyday that you get the feeling of celebrating with the rest of the people watching the display. it's not usual that we get to have a bright and colorful night. it's not everyday that you stop yourself from whatever you're doing and just appreciate the beauty of it. it's not everyday that you get that sentimental feeling which just pushes your problem away from you even just for that moment. for me, fireworks are signs of hope.

if there's such a thing as dream wedding, i thought of my dream burial. since i am a chinese who disgusts being one, i would not want any of the traditional chinese ceremony for the dead. i was born a catholic, and i would want to die a catholic. i would want the person closest to me to give the necrological speech. for my other friends, since i am a lover of music, i would want to request them to play a song which reminds him or her of me. as for my relatives, i would want them to go there not because they are my relatives, but because they have the real want to be there. i would want a coffin which is painted blue. and before i get buried, i want to donate the parts of my body. i don't really want to see the people i love cry. by the time i get buried to the ground, i'd want the setting to be sunset to night, then a fireworks display after. i would want to be buried in a field beside a beach. i should have my rosary with me. more than anything else, to my close friends especially, i would want to ask for their forgiveness as i am being brought down to the ground.

i wish i get to have all these. well, i can't really complain if i don't get this, since i would be dead by then. it's not that i am a morbid person, but maybe it's just i happen to have so much problems that i have always asked God when will my end come. i know death isn't the answer to all of my problems. there's so much to life that i want to do, to experience, to see. there are so many people i would want to ask for forgivess, to say thanks, to say somethings which were and would be left unsaid, to just say hi again. this year, i intend to do all these, before it all gets too late.