material world

i lost my digicam. it's the thing that's making me depressed nowadays. ironically, what most of my friends tell me is, "try not looking for it. susulpot din yan." and based from experience, to some extent it's true. the less you look for it, the more possibilities it will show up, just like it was never lost. the funny thing about this is that things somehow have lives on their own.

this leads me to think what made a lot of us turn materialistic. at this day and age, one can't help but be materialistic. and at this point, i have realized that being materialistic is not as bad as how we thought it was, especially when we were kids. i'm not saying this just because this is the norm. i realized that things happen to give us the same thrills that relationship or other people give. i don't remember if i mentioned this in my past entries, but my boss in my internship program last year said that according to medical studies, the hormones released when we get excited or happy in a relationship is the same as the hormones released when we get excited and delighted as we own or even just stare at the things that we aspire to have. so, concluding from this study, both human beings and objects are stimulants of the same kind.

perhaps most would protest the way i equate material objects to relationships. i myself do too. but coming from heartaches and depression caused by human relationships, it's the material goods that kept me sane. not wholly but a big part of it. these material objects direct my attention away from staring at the horizon and pondering philosophically about what has happened and what is happening to my life, which in turn depresses me.

to a lot of people, objects deserve more of their attentions. why? for one, these objects have no emotions-- you don't have to deal with brats, complaints, nags, demands, etc. etc. they give what you give. in most instances, these things make you happy exponentially, not the other way around. and the only time they disappoint you is when they don't deliver their jobs well, which are often caused by our mistakes. unlike with human relationships. you have to deal with a lot of things. add to that is the worst, expectations. and what's sad is, there's never an equal proportion in a relationship. whatever you give does not necessarily equate to what you receive and vice versa. most of the time, you give so much and yet you get worse than nothing. in my case, this is what usually happens.

however, at the end of the day, these objects have expiration dates. and a lot of relationships too. but the happiness that an object gives is merely superficial. these objects don't have emotions. these objects don't understand, love, and appreciate us the way we want to be understood, loved, and appreciated. memories are made of genuine companionships that make us better people, not lazier ones. our real friends bring out the best and worst in us, and remains with us in happiness and depression. relationships and people in general give one thing that no object can ever deliver-- our worth in this world.

goodbye kitty

i thought yesterday was an ordinary day for me. unfortunately, it became one of the most memorable day in my life. it was the day i first time (and hopefully the last time) i ran over a kitten. that officially made me a murderer.

i feel bad. it's the second cat that has been murdered by our revo. and yes, i feel terribly guilty about it. it wasn't intentional, now that i have begun loving animals. what makes me feel worse is that an old close friend of mine is a devoted animal rights and welfare advocate. i'm sorry and i'd do everything to make up for it.

i was out to just buy dinner for my family and when i reversed the car, the kitten seemed to have hid in the wheels. of course, the first person i called was ate duday. and the first thing that came out from her mouth was, "anong kulay?" thankfully it wasn't black. but nonetheless, i feel bad. ate duday loves animals but her tone was, "okay lang 'yan. eh ano pa nga magagawa mo?" being a law student, she kept reminding me that there aren't any law that would put me to jail and since it wasn't intentional anyway, i really won't be put to jail. ironically, when i went to shakey's, there was a kiddie birthday celebration. a death on a birthday, there goes the irony.

running over a cat is perhaps a worse feeling compared to having your car totally wrecked. as what ate has told me, the moral of the story is that you should check if there are kittens under the car.

kitten: r.i.p. 01 may 2005

the death of boracay

the first and last time i've been to boracay was the summer of 1999, when boracay was just becoming famous. i remember going there without even anyone beside us. i stayed in pearl of the pacific and as far as i remember, it was towards the end of march and there were only around 3 other couples who stayed in the same resort. i remember savoring the beach alone, along with a dog. then, the few leisure that one can enjoy there were only the island hopping and the massages. banana boats, wakeboarding, and the others were novel.

5 years later, there are all-terrain vehicles, bar-hopping, golf, wall-climbing, para-sailing, and God knows what. pier-one now has a branch there. discovery suites and shangri-la will open resorts there soon. ever after has now become boracay's anthem. soon enough, with the flocks of people in bora, you might have to "reserve" your space along the shore when you want to go sun bathing. alcohol, Es, sex, prostitution are now the main attractions of bora. it's not even the beach anymore. from how i see it, it has lost its title of paradise.

two weeks ago, i was invited by my friend go with his family to boracay. since i'm saving up for singapore, i declined. they stayed there for a week, and so did the other ateneans who are mostly com majors. most of them have made boracay their home, staying there for more than two weeks. he told me that he really got turned off with boracay, but not with the place. he was disgusted with the crowd there.

he told me that a group of atenean girls, our common acquaintances, were flirting with fellow ateneans as well. dancing flirtatiously while getting themselves drunk. some of these girls are even in a relationship. the question now, has boracay become sin city?

it seems like when people get to boracay, they transform and become someone else. trying to be cool, fitting in, to the point of losing their real identities. for a lot of people, when they get to bora, they become single (and act like one), they drink as if alcohol is water, and they take drugs like there's no tomorrow. my friend told me that when he got there, a girl was flirting with him in the bar. she was dancing like beyonce. she wore a see-through short skirt and just panty inside. since my friend was attracted to her, he bought her a cocktail drink. their conversation went like this:

my friend: so, what year are you in?

girl: second year.

my friend: what's your course?

girl: uhm, i'm still in high school.

of course, my friend had to get out of the table and leave the girl with a guilt of letting her (a minor) drink. shocking isn't it? when i was 14, i had to beg my parents to allow me to go to megamall. apparently, boracay has now been invaded by teenagers, and even tweens.

what also turned my friend off from boracay is that almost every night, all the bars empty because of fights. and the fights can be as big as frat fights. worse, boracay has become a cellphone snatcher's paradise. i guess it's safer to be in manila now than to be in boracay.

when i watched f for the past two sundays, i was tempted to go to bora again. but knowing what it has become, i'd rather go to an unspoiled beach and have a quiet moment, because really, that's what a vacation is supposed to give you.

curse of the youngest

during our road trip from the underground river back to our motel in palawan, jacqe, don, and i were talking about our travel experiences and our future plans. since jacqe and i both are the youngest in the family, most of our family experiences are similar. she said something that perhaps will struck me until the day i'd die-- it's really a curse to be the youngest in the family. of course, if you are the eldest, you get to travel more, to farther places, since your parents then still had a better relationship. they couldnt' get enough of each other then. unlike now, they can't bear each other anymore. and they'd rather not travel together because they won't stop arguing and fighting.

as parents grow older, they face more and more problems. and the youngest in turn, will always have to suffer. menopause, mid-life crisis, adultery, etc. etc. mind you, i am not exaggerating. maybe there are parents that handle their problems better, but at least in me and my friend's cases, it sucks to be the youngest.

all the unwanted roles in the family tend to be taken on by the youngest.

1. the referee of your constantly fighting parents.

2. the maid/ driver/ secretary of your parents and other siblings. (since the youngest are always at home because the parents are stricter towards them)

3. the companion of the parents and other geriatric members of the family (yes, to the point that more than anyone in the family, the lolos and the lolas make tampo more to the youngest if he/ she don't pay them a visit).

4. the one who is expected to fulfill all the frustrations of everyone in the family, especially the parents. (of course, the eldest ones get to be the fortunate since they get to choose what they want to do with their lives. in reality, the first borns are the spoiled ones).

5. the one who is expected to understand everything and therefore act accordingly.

6. the one who finds/ does the solutions for the older siblings' problems. why? because it's so easy for the older siblings to command the youngest.

because of the above mentioned, here are the further consequences/ implications:

1. the youngest has no right to rebel. or, the youngest has the least right to say anything in the household.

2. the youngest has to be the shock/ emotional/ drama absorber of the family, especially the parents and the geriatric members of the family.

3. the youngest's actions are the most limited. why? because the perceptions of the older siblings and the parents will always be that since you are the youngest, you have to be protected and that you can never stand on your own feet. NEVER.

the worst part of it all, you will always be accused as the spoiled brat.