survey number one

Body: THE BASICS
1) Single or Taken: single
2) Sex: babaeng bakla
3) Birthday: 20 feb 1984
4) Sign: pisces
5) Siblings: 4 older brothers
6) Hair colour: brown
7) Eye colour: brown
8) Shoe size : 7 and a half to eight
9) Height: 5'2

FASHION STUFF
1) Where is your favorite place to shop:
in style, m&s, nike

2) Any tattoos or piercings:
i want to have a tattoo

3) Favorite outfit:
tees and jeans

THE EXTRA STUFF
1) Do you do drugs: soon! :D
2) What are you most scared of: rats
3) What car do you wish to have: outlander or pajero
4) Where do you want to get married: church (st. james the great if in the philippines), or along the shore of a beach
5) How many messenger buddies do you have on right now?: three
6) If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?: more height and less weight maybe

FAVORITES
1) Subjects in school?: advertising/pr
2) Animals?: i want a westie.

HAVE YOU EVER
1) Given anyone a bath?: i think so
2) Smoked?: yep
3) Bungee jumped?: soon
4) Fought the law?: i think so
5) Made yourself throw-up?: i think so
6) Gone skinny-dipping?: don't have the body yet

FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND
1) Red: heart
2) Cow: the movie someone like you
3) Socks: "sidney" socks (toe socks)
4) Greenland: nothing really

HAVE YOU EVER
1) Been so drunk you blacked out: not really
2) Put a body part on fire for amusement? : no
3) Been in a car accident?: yeah
4) Been hurt emotionally?: of course
5) Kept a secret from everyone: of course
6) Had an imaginary friend: i think so
7) Wanted to hook up with a friend: oo naman
8) Cried during a movie?: oh yeah. even cried with runaway bride and finding nemo
9) Had a crush on a teacher?: twice, thrice. hey, i'm known to might end up with older men
10) Ever thought an animated character was hot?: batman
11) Had a New Kids on the Block tape?: uhm... yes sadly

MORE FAVOURITES
1) Shampoo: kerastase bain gommage
2) Hair Colour: brown
3) Day/Night: night
4) Summer/Winter: winter
5) Fave Advertisment: modess-honeymoon ad! galing ng mccann! pati smartbeep's fart ad.
6) Fave Films: kramer vs. kramer, i am sam.
7) Fave Ice Cream: mango sherbet/ french vanilla/ buko

RIGHT NOW, WHAT ARE YOU
1) Wearing: high school senior year batch shirt and board shorts
2) Drinking: none
3) Thinking about: a lot of things... school, problems, etc.
4) Listening to: sound of the aircon..

IN THE LAST 24 HRS, HAVE YOU
1) cried: no
2) ate: a lot
3) slept: a lot
3) Cleaned your room: nope
4) Done laundry: nope
5) Driven a car: yeah

DO YOU BELIEVE IN
1) Yourself: yep
2) Friends: used to very much, but i still do to some real good friends
3) Santa Claus: i still do
4) Destiny/Fate: very much
5) Angels: very much
6) Ghosts: yeah
7) Gloria: nevermind
8) FPJ: pwede
9) Ping: yep

a prayer shared to me by ate gail.

Lord, let me reflect seriously and forgive my parents when they find fault with me. help me to approach other people and find in them the love that i think i don't have. strengthen my faith in You at this time when i need You most. pacify me. let me see in others the goodness i don't see when i'm blinded by disappointment. let me want to help others and let me want to live when i'm depressed. for i know that there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than You, Lord. every battle is in Your hands for Him to fight. help me realize that i am never alone and that you have my back. Amen.

a day of mixed emotions: random thoughts on the 18th of february, 2004

yesterday morning, because of my ultimate flaw (impatience), i called proctor and gamble to ask if i was able to pass their exam for management training. unfortunately for me, i didn't make it. not that i was expecting to pass it, it was not expecting to feel that awful when i'd get to learn about the news. i was shivering and pale. i had a heavy heart that morning. among the family, i only told my brother about it and he was pushing me to pass it. and even if i didn't seem like pressured to pass it, i was inside. well, i didn't dramatically break down, but i was feeling worthless. i felt that i have failed everything else.

i forgot about it temporarily when i asked my friend to look for my philosophy oral exams grade nine hours after. she broke to me the news that i got an A... which i still couldn't believe up to this time. when i took the test, i felt like i was flunking it and my teacher was bombarding me with questions that aren't even included in the thesis statement that i got. i didn't even prepare for the exam, and thus, i was expecting to fail. the sad thing about it is that during my first orals with the same teacher last first sem, i studied hard, was able to do well, answered all his questions with sufficient support, but i only got a C. but, i'm happy about it nevertheless...

this morning, i slept at around 4. i had to help my friends do our history research papers which is due tomorrow at 1330 (and i haven't even started a thing) until around 2:45. after discussing the paper and while waiting for one of my friend's ride, they were practicing dancing lessons (which is again one of my frustrations in life). i woke up at around 7 just in time for my 830 class.

i miss my friends. damn it. i haven't been this "diligent" since i got into college. i can't even believe that i was able to finish my orange marker after only three months. i haven't spent so much in photocopies (last week i had a total bill of approximately 400 pesos--so it's 60 cents per page. go ahead calculate). i haven't spent so much time at the lib. i barely have time to watch television and movies. it's killing me.

exactly one week ago, my friend and i raced to makati to drop our resumes for the different ad agencies that we hope to get in by summer. since it seems that i'm not really meant to get into consumer products-related occupations, i am praying that i'd be given a chance in the advertising field.

i have been complaining and complaining, and just this moment, i stopped. as much as i have experienced a lot of unpleasant things lately, i am getting myself to be happy. thanks to my friends. the friend that cheered me up the most is ate gail. God knows i wouldn't know how to survive without this sister of mine keeping my spirits up. right now, she's probably the only friend i can trust who'll really make me forget about my problems and wake me up from my miseries. she's always a phone call away and it's quite depressing that she'll graduate next month, leaving me behind. also. there is katre. she may only be a friend that i have known for only just a short period of time but she's always more than willing to listen to my rants and raves. i have my high school friends to thank too, especially for being able to bear my constant nagging and complaints lately. i have some college friends whose mere presence helps me through and through. i feel guilty that i haven't devoted much time to them in the past and i haven't been a very good friend to them. i hope i can still make it up to them.

God works in unique and unpredictable ways--in music, in friends, in my successes, in my failures. i'll be a year older soon and i have only Him to thank that i'm able to make it until today.

current song: tell me by ariel and regine. the best version...

random thoughts on the 16th of february, 2004

i am lost.

i haven't finished my entries since january. my apologies. i just seem to have gotten lost.

it's final. i'm dropping my plans to get a double major. i thought about it. hesitantly, i have to give it up. one, i don't think i can still bear adding to my debts to my family. two, i want to leave the house as soon as i can. three, i really want to work. four, i don't want to do another thesis. and another reason which i choose not to disclose. it's something that hurts. i have been looking forward to this but some things came up and i guess this is it. although, i might go take an entrance exam for law school. way back in grade school and mid high school, i wanted to take up law. my friends even thought i was born to practice it. i have forgotten about that plan since i have been overwhelmed with my subjects when i got into college. however, just last year, when ate gail told me that she was decided to take up law, the thought crossed my mind as well. now, i am planning to take the test, and if i fail, then it's really not meant for me. but if i'd pass, well...

it's hell week for me. i have three major papers due this thursday, and i haven't even started a single thing. by sunday, i'll be having my oral exam with the most troublesome subject i have this sem, theology. by next week, i have to finish a group research paper for theology on celibacy, 15-20 pages long. also, i have to finish a group finals for my PR tools subject, since one of our groupmates is a senior, and he's graduating, we all have to finish it by the 26th. my theology teacher also wants us to go to school on the 25th, a holiday. if i am not mistaken, i have or will be overcutting my philo class, and my philo professor really drops students. i'm failing the quizzes in my film class. i got a low grade for my social psychology exam, despite having studied religuously the night before. in history, i flunked my first exam. i am doomed.

i was probably the noisiest person at the caf this lunch time. i kept complaining about the whole chunk of load that i am getting, and it's even ironic that this is actually my birthday week. i can't get to bear the thought of getting a year older. i don't even have the time to renew my driver's license, and after my birthday, i can't use it anymore. to celebrate my birthday, instead of sleeping the whole day (which i have been doing for the past four years because i believe that this is the best way to celebrate your birthday), i have to stick with my theo books and all the crappy vatican notes for my sunday exam.

lately, i have been suffering from constipation. i guess it's with the beef i have been eating. i have cut down my beef consumption by more than 80 percent for six months now, and just last week, i ate mcdonald's quarter pounder and cheeseburger, two days after and i had to spend hours in the toilet.

last saturday, i got two FREE tickets to the james ingram-patti austin concert, which i intially planned to miss. the venue was terrible. first of all, it was at an open area, opposite the film center, beside PICC. artists like james ingram and patti austin aren't supposed to be performing in an open area. second, the ground was sandy. too bad for people who wore open-toed shoes that night, me included. third, seats were too crowded. four, patti austin forgot the chorus of her song all behind us now. fifth, james ingram dragged the whole show and people didn't enjoy that. they started to leave in the middle of the show. sixth, concert started late, at around 9:30. ticket said that it was supposed to have started by 8. after patti's performance, there was another half-hour break, which got a lot of us irritated.

i just found out today that last friday night, greenbelt received a bomb threat. my friend said that all the restos on the second floor of gb were closed. and as expected, temple bar was still opened. i miss going out. i haven't been to the theatre for more than a month now.

two saturdays ago, i got depressed. for our advertising management class, we had to do a pseudo creative brief for starbucks. we thought we pulled it off. during the presentation, we even impressed our professor. perhaps he wanted to avoid be accused of favortisim, he chose the other group, since for the first project, we won. honestly, i felt that they weren't so good, because the content of their brief isn't unique to starbucks. i am still feeling bad about it.

if there were two things that lifted me up last week, they are: a good score in bowling practice (considering i haven't trained for a month or so), and a possible chance to have my practicum in an ad agency. i'm all excited to work, since i might not be able to go to boracay with my high school group.

i missed our high school fair. the last time we had our fair was when i was in preparatory school. since our school was celebrating its 40th anniversary, they had one. i missed it because of my mother who forced us to have dinner out last night.

i have a new favorite song. regine velasquez's version of come in out of the rain. she's really good i must admit. i have been converted to be a regine fan years ago. her new song with ogie alcasid for the captain barbell soundtrack is good as well.

i caught cito beltran's interview with mylene dizon last week on straight talk. i really admire her. she's really so good and dedicated in her craft. she's funny and witty even. she's not hypocritical, and she has the confidence that i have long wanted to have.

i went back to smoking again. i missed it so much. after almost or even more than a year, too bad i couldn't stop temptation.


God gave me a lot of signs:
1. i saw something four times.
2. i heard overjoyed being played just when i asked Him for a sign.
3. i caught something on television.
4. i read something on the papers.
5. i dreamt twice.

that's why i decided to do something. unfortunately, it turned out bad. oh well...

five real-life happy marriages

yesterday, students under (one of the most inspiring teachers i have ever had in my lifetime) fr. dacanay attended the married couples seminar which is required of us, otherwise, you won't have a grade for theology 131. it was what i have actually been looking forward to since day one of our theology class. despite spending a school holiday in school, i didn't mind listening to couples who were there to give us inspiration and hope for happy marriages. especially since my parents are in the process of separating legally, (they have long been physically separated), i was eager to learn. i'm very much grateful to have had that chance of being with these couples in a time where a lot of couples are not happy with their marriages.

the day started with all of us assembling at the escaler hall. the five happily married couples were introduced by fr. dacanay. (if i am not mistaken, either the husband, the wife, or both were his students then way back in college). there was two tantoco couples, (the husbands were siblings--with the older one as a lawyer), the camus couple, a couple with ten kids, and beng and gerry. after the introduction, we all divided ourselves in into groups of five, having a more intimate session with a couple each.

the couple whose talk i attended was rico and pia camus. rico is younger than pia (who is an ilongga-- and as expected she was sweet, and even funny). they have four children--two accidental, two planned. they spent their first three years alone in the states, with no plans of children then. they became officially a couple in 1980, then got married in 1987. their marriage wasn't really planned so much. rico had to leave for the states to take his MBA degree, and prior to rico, pia had a long-distance relationship which consumed her so much and eventually turned sour. so, pia told rico that either they get married before he leaves or they break-up. so they got married, went to the states together. they spent their first three years there alone, went back here and bore their first child-- a boy. they were supposed to have five children, but pia suffered a miscarriage before her first child.

while they were speaking to us, i felt nothing but envy. i could see them holding each other's hands, joking around, making kulit (as lambing) in front of us, and they were just the epitome of a fulfilled marriage. during the talk, she told us that when she decided to leave for the states to join rico, she gave up her job, in exchange of being an all-around maid to her husband. she had no regrets, and to her, she felt that it was the perfect calling, to be a wife, and a mother. she now works as a housewife and this consumes almost all of her time. contrary to how we would feel, she doesn't feel bad about it. she's in fact happy and puts her heart to everything she does for her children and her husband. she rarely goes out with her friends. but her only consolation was that she would leave the house alone for a week, without telling anyone where she would b going except for her husband of course, and take a break.